25 Things I Won’t Miss From Civilization
by Benjamin ShenderThis list comes in order that they came to me sitting at my computer. There is no attempt to prioritize them. Any comment must include a contribution to this list. If you do not have a contribution, you cannot comment. Sorry, that’s the rule.
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Clocks
Pollution (air I can’t breathe)
Having to enslave the majority of the human race to get most of the other list
Stuck-up people who believe themselves superior due to their family’s money
Hypercongregation
The lacking of appropriate foliage
Having to explain why eating wild plants isn’t dangerous
Having to justify my existence
Money
Colds
Allergies
News Programs
Being told how I “have to see” this new movie
Having to shower so often my skin peels off because civilized people stink
Having to listen to recorded music
Cell Phones
Being lonely
Having so many oranges in cleaning solutions that juices have to be artificial
Fast food (by which I, of course, mean McDonald’s not deer)
The bread aisle at the supermarket
Astroturf
Living in buildings more flammable than whiskey
Smelling car exhaust
Smelling cigarette smoke
Silence (in the woods there are always sounds)
How about “work” and “work ethic”
(if I enjoy it, I don’t consider it work, and survival oriented activities are usually pleasant)
Work ethic is what I call work for the sake of work. Some kind of sick sadomasochistic calvinist remnant or something.
Comment by limukala — 16 January 2006 @ 7:11 AM
and traffic
Comment by limukala — 16 January 2006 @ 7:11 AM
Light pollution
Public schoolboys - English
Hyper aggressive underclass drunks
Smackheads
Crackheads
Phsycotics
Anxiety ridden caffeine driven advertisting companies
Caffeine
Goldman Sachs
Loan consolidation companies
Credit cards
Right wing family values
Any rush hour - anywhere
Lives spent in denial
Narcisscists
Paris Hilton
Comment by Adrian — 16 January 2006 @ 9:32 AM
the illuminati
the United nations
rush limbaugh
al franken
politics in general
Comment by Rory — 16 January 2006 @ 12:17 PM
Tourism
Comment by Miranda — 16 January 2006 @ 12:24 PM
25 Reasons Why This Is The Worst Article I’ve Ever Read On This Site:
1. It’s perfectly reasonable to ignore many of the examples listed and still be a member of “civilization”.
2. Many of the examples listed hardly apply to anyone.
3. Some of them will apply even when civilization collapses and you all go live the woods and Jason eats me.
25. It seems like you had about 4 good ideas and rushed through the other 21 because you had already titled the article “25 Things…”.
Love,
Marco
Comment by Marco — 16 January 2006 @ 1:22 PM
Television. Does it need an explanation.
Comment by JimFive — 16 January 2006 @ 1:24 PM
Can’t be all 25-page theses all the time, now can it, Marco?
Comment by Jason Godesky — 16 January 2006 @ 1:40 PM
Well Marco, I do believe the article was written by a person who wont miss these 25 things. Whether they apply to you or not doesn’t really make a difference does it?
You know what else I wont miss?
toilet paper. boy I will not miss toilet paper. weird, i know.
Comment by Miranda — 16 January 2006 @ 1:46 PM
One Thing I Won’t Miss From Civilization
1. Marco
Comment by Raku — 16 January 2006 @ 1:57 PM
Raku: Fair enough.
Comment by Marco — 16 January 2006 @ 2:08 PM
crowds
Wal-Mart
schools
vacuuming
perfectly manicured lawns
6 lane roads
junk mail/ Spam
sports as an institution
Comment by Vicky — 16 January 2006 @ 4:14 PM
What I will not miss:
Love of an ideal being more powerful than love for your family
Obnoxious, pompous, irritating John Philip Sousa music
The United States Navy Seabees, particularly Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 5
Benniffer and Brangelina
People who read People magazine
People who cry when the Star-Spangled Banner is played
Umm, hierarchy
- Chuck
Comment by Chuck — 16 January 2006 @ 6:10 PM
Interesting, isn’t it? The “wont miss” list seems to be more expansive than the “will miss” list.
I wont miss trails in the woods that you aren’t supposed to get off of.
Make your own trails!
Comment by Miranda — 16 January 2006 @ 6:20 PM
What I won’t miss? Anthropik posters and Marco bickering over what they won’t miss.
And I’m totally with Ben on the whole recorded music thing too. Damn that recorded music and its convenience!
Comment by Mike Godesky — 16 January 2006 @ 7:41 PM
as for my toilet paper comment, I felt compelled to explain… =)
Once the toilet paper is gone, civlization is defintely gone. Think about it. If you can’t afford anything else at the store, what do you buy? Toilet Paper!
It’s like the “essential” essential.
I mean, how many trees have we gone through to make the stuff?
Not to mention all the things added to it to make it white or fluffy and soft.
I might miss the convenience of toilet paper, but I wont miss it in general.
Comment by Miranda — 16 January 2006 @ 10:29 PM
This is probably WAY too much information, but… this one time, I was… er… well… straddling the porcelain throne… and I ran out of toilet paper. That’s when I remembered what they do in India: pour water on their left hand and get down and dirty. So I leaned over to the sink, did it Indian-style you might say, and washed my hands obsessively thoroughly afterward.
Say what you will based on your acculturated sense of “different from me = icky,” but let me tell you, my butt never felt so clean.
Comment by Giulianna Lamanna — 16 January 2006 @ 11:01 PM
It’d be much easier to brush you off as an internet weirdo if I didn’t actually know you and have a face to associate with the ass-hand.
Comment by Marco — 16 January 2006 @ 11:11 PM
You bite the ass-hand that wipes its own ass, Marco.
Comment by Jason Godesky — 16 January 2006 @ 11:16 PM
I have no idea what you just said, yet I do not wish for further clarification.
Comment by Marco — 16 January 2006 @ 11:38 PM
First rule of techie-land: NEVER ask Jason for clarification.
(Second rule of techie-land: You do not talk about techie-land?)
Comment by Jason Godesky — 16 January 2006 @ 11:40 PM
Yeah, asking Jason for more information is usually a bad idea.
Actually, originally the list was going to be 50 things, but I couldn’t think of 50 things I wasn’t going to miss.
Come on Mike, you know live music is better. Beating on the drum is better than listen to someone beat on a drum. During the gatherings we often just grab whatever and start playing whenever. Don’t do that in civilization.
Comment by Benjamin Shender — 17 January 2006 @ 12:34 AM
It is true that live music is better than recorded music. However, it is also true the recorded music is better than no music at all. And since there isn’t always a live band performing wherever you happen to be, recorded music is quite convenient.
Besides, you don’t have to wait for civilization to collapse to have a drum circle. Hippies do it all the time.
Comment by Mike Godesky — 17 January 2006 @ 1:20 AM
unfortunately drum circles dont just occur anywhere in everyday life.
ah, but drum circles in a tribal setting, well, you never know when they’ll pop up!
Just like in gatherings with everyone.
One person grabs a drum randomly and next thing you know everyone has a drum.
And nobody looks at you weird like they do when you are singing the wrong notes to the recorded “perfect” music, because you are creating the music yourself.
Comment by Miranda — 17 January 2006 @ 1:29 AM
True. Without the recorded and written music, there is no “definitive version.” So the fact that I can’t carry a tune to the next room is irrevelvant. You guys just can’t keep up with my shifts.
A tribe is it’s own band.
Comment by Benjamin Shender — 17 January 2006 @ 1:35 AM
Or fortunately, depending on your point of view.
I’m pretty sure you’d still be able to tell the difference between good music and bad music. And since I will never be as good of a musician as Miles Davis, I think I’ll keep some of my old CDs around for as long as I can.
Comment by Mike Godesky — 17 January 2006 @ 1:52 AM
I won’t miss:
3-6 billion other people, and their:
Man Made Laws
Taxes and Insurance
Hyper Cleanliness & Perfection Obsession
Extreme Specialization and Obfuscation
the Commodification of everything, coupled with the Perpetual Multiplex Sell
and of course, The Customer Is Always Right
I won’t miss the wholesale slaughter of All Other Life
I won’t miss shitting on my mother.
—–
By the way, (to assuage Giuli’s lurking mom) - I will absolutely bring plenty of toilet paper to the wedding ceremony…
Comment by JCamasto — 17 January 2006 @ 1:59 AM
“Do you, Giuli Lamanananana, take Jason to be your co-conspirator in world domination, with whom to share the position of supreme world being and live as leaders of the tribe of Anthropik in the middle of the woods somewhere without prerecorded music or car insurance?”
“Hang on, I gotta take a dump. I’ll be right back…”
Comment by Marco — 17 January 2006 @ 9:47 AM
Psh! Shows to go what you know. “Supreme world being”? “Leaders” of a tribe?! Seriously, have you been paying attention to anything on this website at all?!
Comment by Giulianna Lamanna — 17 January 2006 @ 10:09 AM
Not really.
Comment by Marco — 17 January 2006 @ 11:01 AM
Hah! I knew it!
Comment by Giulianna Lamanna — 17 January 2006 @ 12:56 PM
People who think I’m nuts!
Comment by Rick Larson — 17 January 2006 @ 11:42 PM
Chemtrails (look it up if you haven’t already)
Comment by Jim — 18 January 2006 @ 6:32 AM
t
Comment by Jim — 18 January 2006 @ 6:33 AM
sorry about the last post, looks like your site needs java and images turned on, which I now just learned
(do look up chemtrails though)
Comment by Jim — 18 January 2006 @ 6:34 AM
Clocks
Consumerism
Ideologies
Useless talkers
Comment by solitaire — 20 January 2006 @ 6:14 PM
internet trolls
Comment by JCamasto — 25 January 2006 @ 3:08 PM
Having to cope with strangers all of the time.
My kid bitching because she can’t watch TV 24/7.
Bills.
Imposed morality.
Truncated justice.
Icy cold grocery stores in the summer.
Cars.
Knowing what’s happening on the other side of the planet.
Needing to know the above because it really does affect
me.
Living inside most of the time.
Literacy. (Oh I know that won’t just disappear, but…)
My late husband’s mother. I cannot concieve of her
surviving the collapse
Crap being touted as food.
Flush toilets.
Clocks / schedules.
Mechanical noises.
Having to do work I hate to survive.
Wondering what other people think of me.
Synthetic fabrics.
Stupid mementos of my personal past. If I can’t recall it
I really don’t care to be reminded.
Cities.
Money.
Too many possesions.
Fundamentalists of all stripes.
Hierarchy / government.
Comment by ChandraShakti — 2 April 2006 @ 11:36 PM
Baby Boomers with severe and crippling personality disorders/ substance abuse problems. {shudder!}
Comment by Thomas Rondy — 6 September 2006 @ 11:32 AM
Oh, and how could I have forgotten this one: People who play very loud music on their stereos trying to “blast the blues away”, even though they’re well into their 30′ or 40’s and should have figured out by now that it doesn’t freaking work.
Comment by Thomas Rondy — 6 September 2006 @ 10:10 PM
Advertising
Branded clothes
too many strangers in city streets, for that matter streets and cities too.
boundaries and the concept of private land, tresspassing and all that goes with it, damn civilisation feels like a prison sometimes.
Money
Cars and the enormous costs associated with upkeep and petrol.
mormons and door-to-door salesman, pesky bastards
corporate opperssion, seek.com the list could go on….
Comment by Tommy — 27 January 2008 @ 11:36 PM
1. Religion
2. Museums
3. Anything fueled by gas on a street (and the street itself)
4. Pavement
5. Concrete all over waterbody to civilise ‘dangerous flows’ that have destroyed so many natural beaches, were they on seaside, lakeside or on a river bay
6. TV culture
7. Politicians
8. Lawyers
9. Stupid, unwise and uneducated people with grey hair (in the wild stupid youngs either grow to more intelligent adults or die young)
10. cancer
11. handicaped children (premature births)
12. Grain fields
13. Nuclear plants
14. Teachers
15. Doctors
16. Bakers
17. Chlorinated pools or tap water and polluted rivers + lakes
18. Guns, bombs, warplane, nukes, etc…
19. Jails
20. The Pill
21. Supermakets, Malls, convenience stores, and anywhere to ‘queue’ in!
22. Public transportation (and communting)
23. f**cking cigarettes
24. Alcohol
25. smokers, alcoholics, and any-oholics
Comment by FRED — 8 June 2009 @ 4:29 PM